We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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