Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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