I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Randomize
