i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
