masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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