Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
