Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
