Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
