if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
