Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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