so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
