Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
