im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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