we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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