I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
