I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
