Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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