There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
