i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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