i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
