Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
