Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize
