I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
