Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
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