Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
