So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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