some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
