Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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