how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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