i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
