Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
