I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
