Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
