just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
