You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
