oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
