There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
