During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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