There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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