i may or may not be watching the land before time
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
