Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
