I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
