This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
