If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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