So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
barbara walters just said penis...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
