just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
