Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
