wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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