Already got asked if we're dating
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
