Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
porn star boner night. come get it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
