don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
