Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
