i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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