ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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