Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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