Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Randomize
