why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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