Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
