i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
