I puked a lego.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My bed smells like the plague
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
