i barfeds in our rink
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
