I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Say something about gay babies.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
