it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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