What did we do last night that was yellow?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
