I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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