probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
