Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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