Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
