Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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