dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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