Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
