I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
